I am still thinking what to cook for dinner tonight. And also if i still cant go do my grocery shopping tonight, we will have nothing for tomo and the day after and after. whatever.
When your refrigerator is left with pathetic few things, you will have to start cracking ur brain and come out with your very own recipes and dishes. nabeh. i am still trying very hard to crack.
I am like 24/7 feeling sleepy. *yawn*
When i was having Jayr, i wasn't like this. Perhaps all pregnancies are different in some way.
Browsing thru other's FB and bloggy and den i see all other mummy out there still can go out with friends or even go clubbing. They can go anywhere without their baby with them. But why cant i??? Not fair! Actually i can just jolly well "dump" my baby with other relative or whosoever, and den go chiong all i wan but i will never do that. Or find a babysitter and den only bring him back on weekends so that i will have more freedom. But i will NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! I brought him to this world, thus i have this responsibility to bring him up and fed him. Everywhere i go, i will bring Jayr. Everything i considering, i include him.
I dun wan my baby to grow up and den one day tell his friends that, "aiya, my mother always go out with friends one la, never cook never bother bt us. only give us money to buy our own meals."
And then those kpo relatives will tell him, "your mum always go out one la. Den put you at my house. She never cook for you or wash for you la. she only know how to hiao la."
Instead i wan my kids to go thru this.....
He will tell his friends, "my mum cooks very well leh. she does all the housechores. She look after me when im sick. she send me to school and fetch me after that..."
Den those kpo ones will tell him, "your mum look after you all by herself. she cook, she wash, she sew... she loves you alot and dote on you alot too. she's very capable!"
wahahahahahahaha!!! *dreaming*
I have been thru the negative part, so i dun wan my kids to go thru the same thing.
When i was young, everyone around me told me how bad my mum was, how mean, how cold hearted, how flirt, what a gambler she was, what a liar, what an "actress".......... And really she was never in my mind nor in my heart. I dunno anything bt her. I didnt even remember her looks. She was never there for me. Never care a shit bt me. When its time for test results, she would call and den compared me with cousins and den insult my stupidlity. (like as if i am not her own flesh and blood) When i scored well, she would say things that are spiteful. Aiya, all along im suspecting whether am i her daughter or not. How i wish im NOT. Having being thru motherhood, i still dun understand why is there such heartless mother on earth. Now just that we never went for the legal documentation only. I am not her daughter anymore. Not from me, but from the way she treats me. She never bother to visit me when i gave birth. She never bother to call. She never bother anymore. untill now. So, is she still the woman whom i should call mum? Call her because she gave birth to me? Den what about all the bullies and lies? Life is so unfair. What is karma, now i wonder. All along im trying very hard to behave well, but all i got is all these shits. Unhappy marriage, unloving mother, bastard brother, knn MIL, tons of xiao ren.... She and that bastard happily eating their 3 meals, and i??? Not fair right?!
What karma? Why must we pay for the past live? We are so innocent to receive all these treatments lor! We know nothing and we did nothing! Why??????????
我活得很痛苦。。。
我真的無力了。。。
我到地在為了什麼而這麼的痛苦， 這麼的狼狽。。。
我到地哪里不够好。。。
我是不是注定要這样一輩子的痛苦下去。。。。。
我累了。。。不愛了。
Jacky's Wife