.Tuesday, June 23, 2009 Y
Hello!
Im not blogging bcuz im plain lazy. Very tired and i see everyone of you is not updating your own blog, so why should i?! LOL.
Anyway, went for check up the other day. WoW! Our baby is so BIG already :D
This is more active den Jayr, i can tell. LOL.
He/She rubbed the eyes, and den rolled about, and den lifted up the tiny feet and raised the arms. And den put one hand over the forehead and sleep. Just like Daddy and Jayr!
Well, this time, still i have to undergo c-sect again. wth. I mean if you wan me to choose, i would definitely choose c-sect lah. But what i meant was like, i have to go thru the PAIN AGAIN! I am so terrified. And den the doctor was asking whether are we planning to have more or stop at 2, cuz if i wan, they can just "la-gage" (i dunno how to spell that word) for me during the operation. I immediately said, "yes, i would wan to stop at 2." Den she told me not to hurry and better is to discuss with my hubby. wth. I dun even wan another kid other den Jayr, why the hell would i wan MORE??? I rather go thru that den taking pill everyday.
My hubby said, "but what if this is a boy? haha. I mean will you tell me later that you wan a girl???"
I paused and den replied, "i wan a girl but i dun wan labour anymore!"
"Den how are we going to have a girl?!"
"This will be a GIRL!!!!"
"No. its a BOY!!!"
"GIRL LAH!!!"
"No no no. BOY!!!"
knn.
I've already bear him a son and den now he wan another son. wth?! Why cant he just compromise with me and hope for a girl now?! arrrrrrgggggghhhhh!
Whatever. I am still thinking bt this. What if this is a boy? Do i really wan to hope for another girl??? YOu know what? I dun fucking care la. I just dun wan to go thru labour anymore. And, Be it boy or girl, one day when they grow up, they will belong to others wat! You think they will stick with us forever meh.... I rather not. I wan freedom once they can survive on their own.
Most of you should know i detest DOGS and CATS alot right?
And den bloody hell next door has a DOG!!!
The flee came into my house. And den that bloody dog always have to stuck it's head between my gate gap to sniff my house. (dunno for wat fuck)
And den once while i was waiting for lift, it was sneakily sniffing my feet right behind me and i didnt know! Untill i heard a weird sniffing sound den i realised its a hairy monster right beside my feet!!! I screamed, i yelled for Daddy. nabeh cb.
From den on, the owner den zi dong, know how to control the dog by not letting it roaming about freely. knn.
Anyway, the China abusive acts against stray dogs is VERY cruel. Why must kill any one that they see? Although i hate most dogs, but that doesnt mean i am totally agree with their doings. That is absolutely an horrible act. Dogs have feelings too, they are sensitive too. Hello, what about next life, let the "dogs" do the same thing to the "men"??? whatever. Ya, their government should do something about it asap.
If you think this is fucking cruel, den think about the pigs, chickens, ducks, cows, lambs, fishes, and whatever living thing that can be served as food. This really makes me eat MORE VEGE and LESS LESS LESS RED/WHITE MEAT. I swear!
When i see meat, pictures of animals being slaughtered and skinned and chopped appears in my mind.
ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
Can everyone on the Earth eat ONLY VEGE AND FRUITS???
>>>what a nice way to wake up (^-^)
.Saturday, June 20, 2009 Y
How true can this quiz be?
Fucking true!
And all along i know love is missing in MY LIFE.
There's nothing i can do.........
.Wednesday, June 17, 2009 Y
Tomorrow will be my first appointment with KKH. Blood test and all, im scared! I scare needle poking lah. So shitty that i have to go thru everything all over again. damn it.
Im so weak today. Like breathless and giddy for whole day.
Chatted with many girls today. I like.
Simple dinner tonight. Ines's bolognese. hahaha. Ya. But laters... He will only be home like an hour later. so why the rush. I have already chopped everything nicely and well. So laters...
I need love, like you girls do.
maybe, woman cannot be too capable or smart.
.Tuesday, June 16, 2009 Y
For a moment something's blinking in my mind, "maybe should go vegetarian from now on..."
But for the next, "huh! that means i cant enjoy good food lor!"
And den, laksa, lor mee, satay, bak kut teh, mee soto, all etc appeared in my mind, swirling around like a wheeling menu.
Very difficult for me to turn into a 100% vegetarian. The most i can only reduce in meat intake and choose more organic things bah. duh! what? organic?! This word coming out from Ines??? LOL!
Well, i started to like organic products more. Dunno why. Or maybe pregnancy changes my taste buds' preference? Few days ago, we passed by a sale spot, and den they were having discounts for these organic products. Usually, i wont even bother to go near them and check them out. But, surprisingly, this time i did. I went to take a look and den the sale girl told me i can try on their sample. Ok, i never really into those pure 100% untreated nuts or whatever healthy drinks la. Anyway, i spotted this, Hakka Lei Cha. You know? 擂茶. If you have seen tv show ever introduced this. The traditional kind is where they used more den 10 items, mostly organic, and den mix together in a bowl and you eat it like that or, with their weird gravy which is also kind of organic. Lol. This one i bought is they have already grind all into powder and den packed into small sachets. So like now instead of drinking milo every morning, i drink this. Taste very....... organic lah! haha. I dunno how to describe la, you know, organic stuffs always got this weird taste like everything uncooked added together. Just imagine all raw things like barley, ginseng, gingko nuts, green tea, sesame, blablabla. But i think this is very good for my health and baby inside too. It doesn't taste as bad as it seems, really.
But ya, eating healthily is important, just that once in awhile i will still go back to ease my laksa and all cravings. LOL.
Duh! I am super temperamental lately :*(
.Monday, June 15, 2009 Y
I wonder what was on Gary Ng's nut brain when he was fucking the beer auntie and the mother of a daughter.
Fucking gross!!!
What makes him erect and whats makes him orgasm????????
Btw, aunties doesn't moan. And lay like a dead corpse.
No wonder those ti ko pek loves to turn to prostitute instead.
Just my personal opinion.
p/s: he's bearly 29.
.Wednesday, June 10, 2009 Y
I am still thinking what to cook for dinner tonight. And also if i still cant go do my grocery shopping tonight, we will have nothing for tomo and the day after and after. whatever.
When your refrigerator is left with pathetic few things, you will have to start cracking ur brain and come out with your very own recipes and dishes. nabeh. i am still trying very hard to crack.
I am like 24/7 feeling sleepy. *yawn*
When i was having Jayr, i wasn't like this. Perhaps all pregnancies are different in some way.
Browsing thru other's FB and bloggy and den i see all other mummy out there still can go out with friends or even go clubbing. They can go anywhere without their baby with them. But why cant i??? Not fair! Actually i can just jolly well "dump" my baby with other relative or whosoever, and den go chiong all i wan but i will never do that. Or find a babysitter and den only bring him back on weekends so that i will have more freedom. But i will NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! I brought him to this world, thus i have this responsibility to bring him up and fed him. Everywhere i go, i will bring Jayr. Everything i considering, i include him.
I dun wan my baby to grow up and den one day tell his friends that, "aiya, my mother always go out with friends one la, never cook never bother bt us. only give us money to buy our own meals."
And then those kpo relatives will tell him, "your mum always go out one la. Den put you at my house. She never cook for you or wash for you la. she only know how to hiao la."
Instead i wan my kids to go thru this.....
He will tell his friends, "my mum cooks very well leh. she does all the housechores. She look after me when im sick. she send me to school and fetch me after that..."
Den those kpo ones will tell him, "your mum look after you all by herself. she cook, she wash, she sew... she loves you alot and dote on you alot too. she's very capable!"
wahahahahahahaha!!! *dreaming*
I have been thru the negative part, so i dun wan my kids to go thru the same thing.
When i was young, everyone around me told me how bad my mum was, how mean, how cold hearted, how flirt, what a gambler she was, what a liar, what an "actress".......... And really she was never in my mind nor in my heart. I dunno anything bt her. I didnt even remember her looks. She was never there for me. Never care a shit bt me. When its time for test results, she would call and den compared me with cousins and den insult my stupidlity. (like as if i am not her own flesh and blood) When i scored well, she would say things that are spiteful. Aiya, all along im suspecting whether am i her daughter or not. How i wish im NOT. Having being thru motherhood, i still dun understand why is there such heartless mother on earth. Now just that we never went for the legal documentation only. I am not her daughter anymore. Not from me, but from the way she treats me. She never bother to visit me when i gave birth. She never bother to call. She never bother anymore. untill now. So, is she still the woman whom i should call mum? Call her because she gave birth to me? Den what about all the bullies and lies? Life is so unfair. What is karma, now i wonder. All along im trying very hard to behave well, but all i got is all these shits. Unhappy marriage, unloving mother, bastard brother, knn MIL, tons of xiao ren.... She and that bastard happily eating their 3 meals, and i??? Not fair right?!
What karma? Why must we pay for the past live? We are so innocent to receive all these treatments lor! We know nothing and we did nothing! Why??????????
我活得很痛苦。。。
我真的無力了。。。
我到地在為了什麼而這麼的痛苦， 這麼的狼狽。。。
我到地哪里不够好。。。
我是不是注定要這样一輩子的痛苦下去。。。。。
我累了。。。不愛了。
.Tuesday, June 9, 2009 Y
I am a married woman, but i dun feel like im belonging to anyone.
My task is to give birth and look after kid and clear up all the mess.
Whenever i see couples holding hands, i would start to think, "when was the last time u held my hand?"
And whenever i see them kissing, i would wonder, "how does ur breath smells like and how does ur saliva tastes like?"
Such humilation i cant possibly able to go thru again and again. My tolerance level for you have raises each time you broke my heart. Tell me, when will be the last time i stop tolerating you and just give up and go?
You wan me to believe and trust that you are faithful in this marriage. But how? We dun do anything like a couple nor did you ever look in my direction and smile at me. Seriously, i dun believe a single shit you swear. I only believe that you dun love me, you have no interest in me, you have someone else, you are fucking her very frequently.
Lying on the same bed, i felt more and more miserable. Its good to have Jayr in between us. At least i dun need to bother that you are so near yet dun bother bt me.
I am so sick to blog about how good you are and whatever you have done for us. I am very sick. Because the real fact is, i am not happy with you and us at all. I felt that you are just using me to get all you wan. This house, these expensive things in it. You are using me for sure.
You dun want this baby. You dun care at all. You never ever even ask bt this baby at all. Den why the fuck make me pregnant?! I dun wan as well! I dun wan anymore labour, anymore confinement, anymore pain! I have this house to pay, this son to raise, i cant afford another one! If you never really like it den why must i go thru more hardship for this meaningless event!
I have sacrifices so much. I have put down so much. What did i get? Are they all worth it?
If not for this baby inside, i am bringing Jayr together away from you for goodness sake. Or maybe, i shld have go thru legal procedure to make you leave!
You dun love me ya?
You know what?
Me NEITHER!
.Sunday, June 7, 2009 Y
Just done with my noodle soup. Waiting for Jayr to wakie and i'll feed him some. hmm. I think my culinary skill has improved bit by bit, day by day. haha. Anyway, still lotsa rooms for improvement lah. So far the best dish, and the one that im most proud of is the stew chicken wings and mushrooms in dark soy sauce. aiya, can say its a simple dish, but hello, needs quite alot of seasonings. I wont tell you wat! hahaha. My nanny told me all via phone. Oh btw, Hubby can make very delicious fried chicken wings! And he's so hao lian bt that. whatever~
Jayr is loving his new toys. Ya, new toys for him again and again. Like there is no more container for him to keep the rest. lol. Anyway, i realised that he is very much interested in cars. Like real vehicles passing by, or cartoon cars, or toy cars. He was totally engrossed in playing that. Anyway, he's teething now. Those big tooth are coming out. Must be painful and irritating right?
Appointment with KKH will be on the 18th. Even the nurse warn me to go there asap. lol. ya i know i know. to date, think im already 3 months preggy ba. hehe. But im already feeling the movement of the baby! How amazing! Another active one. omg! lol. My diet has been totally different from the previous pregnancy. Like i am only eating sweet things. I cant stomach saltish food or any other den sweeeeeeeet things. LOL. So is this going to be a girl???? hehehe.
Everything has been going on well and fine. Im happy. Never felt such bliss before. Life's too good to be true. Peace is all i adore. I dun need alot of money. I dun need alot of materials. I dun need luxury. Peace and harmony are the most important keys to happiness. This is so true. REALLY!
Well, everything's good and perfect. Except that i am lonesome somehow. I love Jayr. Hubby loves Jayr. Jayr loves us. Who else love me? NOONE.
Nothing has improve since day 1. I should have predicted this.
.Wednesday, June 3, 2009 Y
Life's too blissful...
Too enjoyable that im not wee bit missing this blog. lol.
Everyday's a family day. Wash, cook, relax.
Hubby has been wonderful. He does all the packing and chores. And even tried to cook too. He bought all the grocery and helps to prepare too.
Jayr has been enjoying himself. Playing with his millions toys and walking and running about freely.
I have nothing much to blog about. Regarding those pics, hmmmm, pls wait awhile more. LOL.
i wanna improve my culinary skill!!!!
I do wish this kind of lifestyle will last FOREVER.
Jacky's Wife
