I have been wondering why im not feeling a thing at all for this baby. No anticipation. No overwhelming excitement. Full of frustration and frighten-ness. Having went thru the horror during my previous labour, i dare not brave thru this shit again. This is like a repeating nightmare that came taunting me over and over again.
(Ppl whom dunno what had happened exactly- READ>)
I was kept waiting and monitoring in the labour ward for 10 hours. Had the empidural but not that scary as told. That fucking drip on my hand is 10x more painful lor! Came a doctor to break my water bag. Around 4+am i vividly heard the nurse saying something like, "oh dear! my fault. my fault. my mistake." I was alarmed and also left puzzled. Just as i wanted to ask, she was gone. Minutes later, came all the doctors on duty (about 4), they were busy checking this and that and den one male senior came to stuff his fingers in me and den said, "for 10 hours, you only dilate bt 3 cm..." He den continued to explain to me that this slow dilation caused the fetal distress. Baby was showing some distress such as heartbeat went low. And he said the best solution is to go for operation immediately. Upon hearing that, part of me wanna dash out and run away, another part told me that for the sake of Jayr i must brave thru this. Ok. Here comes the horror part. They took off everything on me and left me totally nude on the operation table. Both my hands tied by something so solid that i couldn't escape at all, my legs too. I asked one of them to top up more enpidural for me cuz the last tube i had was hours ago. She said, this would be fine and they shall see how. (before that i had 2 already) I heard one of them saying, "Ok. Lets start now." I forced myself to think of something pleasant to distract myself but i couldn't cuz i suddenly felt a shape blade drew across my abdominal. I said calmly to the one besides me, "pain. i can feel the pain." She said this is normal and shld be this way. wtf? I have no experience so i shut up. Den, i felt both hands forcefully trying to tear apart my tummy and den stuff both hands into my tummy!!! The hands inside were like trying to stir around as if looking for something. "pain... pain.... PAIN!!!!! I DUN WAN!!!! PAIN!!!!!!!!" I remembered i screamed as loud as i have never did before. Despite hands and legs being tied up so tightly i still tried every best to struggle and screamed. Immediately after the screaming, i fainted. Its either i fainted bcuz of the HUGE pain or they finally gave me more drugs.
I have been put on drip for 5 days just to wash off the loads of drugs in me. I felt numb for 3 days. See how much my body needs in order to make me feel numb? This shows that i have a very determine soul. hohoho. Anyway, i dunno what kind of labour i will have for this. But i have the feeling i will go thru c-sect again. As in i have prob with dilation and also my wound still hurts. Whatever fate brings.
Have collected our keys today. Went up to the house to change lock and all. I love it when the HDB officer said, "Now you are the owner of this house." wahahahaha! Renovation starts in few days time.
oh ya! ate the delicious siew mais too!
Jacky's Wife