Im so pissed with myself. So fucked up and how else fucked up can it be huh?!
Everything bt me is always chin chay!
Wedding chin chay.
Labour chin chay.
Confinement chin chay.
EVERYTHING CHIN CHAY!!!
Who can i blame? NOONE!
This is my "salted-vege" life wat. Im not supposed to taste even a tiny bits of luxury! Let alone doing things normally like everyone else!
You know, feel lucky that you have supportive parents or mils, cuz when u in need there's still them lending you helping hands. Me? Nothing! I am so invisible that even when im vanished into the thin air and no one will knows bt it!
Having been thru the horror during the previous labour, what i can do is to avoid the same thing right? But no! I have no right to choose! I have to still go kkh, cant appoint doctor, cant choose better ward, no nothing! So like if i suay suay have to undergo the knife again, i will have to tolerate the way they treated me in the theatre! They dun care a shit bt my feeling. They dun understand when i said i can feel the pain. They dun care that i need help to go to the loo. After labour they just leave me there to rot! To do everything by myself!
You know what men, unless you can provide ur woman with better ward and better doctor, den its ok to make her pregnant and go thru this "great" process. if you cant, den jolly well follow the rules of precaution!!! make her pregnant and den cant give her security?! and den tell her it supposed to be like this! fuck you! knowing what she have been thru and have this phobia, but do you care?! NO NO NO!!! you are just pushing her nearer and nearer to hell gate!
I cant blame you. Just blame myself for choosing this path!
And blame myself for taking over ur family's last name! fuck that to core!!!
Jacky's Wife