.Tuesday, October 7, 2008 Y
Just let me rant...An hour more before Hubby reach home. Miss him so much... Its been a long torturing day though... Torturing as in without him around. hmm...At times i do suspect that im suffering this insanity in me. Like one moment im so normal, another moment i would be ranting and cursing like a lunatic. Or mayb being a woman, it is absolutely alright to be so tempremental kind? No?But, all i need, is someone to love me wholeheartedly, cares alot, pampered me, treat me babyish, never stop romanticizing with me, and prove me there is really something called "eternity love". However, as the longer the marriage goes on, somehow i feel that couples are still together is not because of the strong love they once shared, is because of something called "obligation". 2 are attached together because there are these binding promises. Or one feels that he/she has this debt of gratitude towards another. Noone wants this kind of relationship. I dun wan someone to pity me, because im homeless and imma orphan.I dun wan someone to feel in debt to me because i have sacrifices alot or i have given birth to our child. I dun wan someone to be with me because i have a property.I dun wan all of these!Well, its somehow inevitable for me to think it such a way. I am all alone now. No "niang jia" to go back to.No money. No job.No soulmate to confide to . No nothing. I have to tell myself to stay alert and beware of everything. I have to protect myself. I have to plan everything ahead. Because i have a son with me now.Everything has changed. I cant just go ahead and do anything i wan. I have to think thrice for Jayr's sake. Eventhough, no matter what..... u know...At the end of the day, those "eternity long lasting love" marriage is very rare.Many stays, because of kids, because of reliability, because of nowhere-to-go...I will never stay, if one day he have a change of heart and new preference for new woman... This is one thing that i can never ever endure. Dirty way: I dun wanna share a stained cock!Ok. shall end here.Gotta make this clear that this has got nothing to do with my marriage or my man. Just some random thoughts. Told you im mad. waiting for hubby to come home still.he told me he will buy my favourite food back. and he told me there will be desserts too.hmmm....Though at times i grumbles alot, but deep inside my heart, i love him alot alot alot that i think i love him more den he loves me. hee. Ok. Bye.Note: this is 2nd post of the day.
Jacky's Wife