.Thursday, October 16, 2008 Y
2nd entry of the day.Boring day, obviously.Jayr finally went into dreamland, and i am waiting for the washing machine to finish it's job. Wat a tai tai am i? so "ku ming". Housechores, babysitting, serving my lord... Like everyday so busy. And nothing has got to do with me, myself. wth. Ppl like my age, are either enjoying their clubbing lifestlye or enjoying their courtships. Earning their own money and spending like nobody's business. How much i envy, u know?I have to stay at home, look after bb, pay 100% attention on him cuz he is super active now. Panic when he's sick or uncomfortable. Always look at the clock and making sure that he have his milk on time, cuz i dun wan him to have the feel of hunger. Tahan the smell when he shits. Clean up the mess. Can only do my chores when he sleeps. And den when i finally done with everything and wanna lie down awhile to rest, he woke up and started his adventures again. arrrrgh! and den when he finally sleeps again, i wanna rest again, hubby came home. And den i have bring him clean clothes and towel. Get him food if he's hungry. Make tea for him. bla bla bla... arrrrgghhhh!!!!When is the time i can finally lay down on bed and shut my eyes for long hours!!!!??Nabeh.Just when i was about to explode. The laughters of Jayr's brighten me up!I wonder can he feel my overwhelming love for him, and for this family. Mayb he is too young to understand what is love. But i do hope when he grow up, he will feel it and appreciate whatever i have done for him and for this family. I have loss alot alot alot of things in life.For Hubby,i have drifted away with many closed friends and once important ppl in my life. I have choosen to not to heed their advices and came back to him. I chosed love among other things. Till now, i still dunno am i really wrong by doing these? I even dun care what shits they talked behind my back. And i even got accused and cursed by some asshole. I am very sad cuz i miss a few of them. i miss those days, those activities. I know very well that even if one day we are back to talking term, things will never be the same anymore. Cuz i have tried talking already, but.... However, i am still glad that i have him as my husband. The love he has for me, is really unbeatable. anyway, i will still have them in my heart. true love is so rare and so precious. i wont let it slip away because of someone whom will never be with me forever. selfish me. sorry.For Jayr,i have gave up many things i once adored. make ups, apparels, shoes, handbags, facials, ktv, smoking, drinking, clubbing, late nights, vulgarities, working, freedom, figure, image.Well, all these are worthwhile. And i hope he will never let me down. I never ask for more, i just wan him to study well, stay healthy, behaves good, right mindset, kind and caring. No matter what, he is always my dearest son. I told hubby that day,"pls make me feel that all my sacrifices are worthwhile. dun make me feel that i am a fool and i have choosen the wrong path, wrong man. I dun wan to let those who have cursed me to think they were right by saying that. we know very well that we love each other so much. just tat we are still so weak at controlling our emotions at times. dun take me for granted when i have learn to remain silent for the sake of avoiding more arguement........"Ya. to those smart aleck who think u are so smart by "predicting" and "advised" me by cursing us and our marriage, i tell u now that this marriage is as strong as hard rock! bcuz we have been thru so much and overcome so much without u knowing. Im telling u that i am so sure that i will be the one whom sit back and watch u fall one day! because..... haha. u know nuts bt been honest to ur loved one.At the very least, we are smiling and laughing everyday. you?I will see ur karma playing with ur life soon. whatever.Hubby have already changed to a better person. More loving and caring. Towards me and our son. Even the fortune teller we often went to, said she can see more "love" in hubby's character. He told me to endure awhile more and give him more time. Ya. i will. Cuz i need time to change too. I wasnt tat good either. But now, i dare to say i am very nice person. hehehe. I am more tame, more quiet, more gentle, more loving, more kind, more thoughtful, more down to earth, more thrifthy. more know how to treasure and appreciate. But to those who have messed up my life or provoked me, i am still the evil Ines. ok. Hubby just called. he is coming home now. yea yea yea!shall end here and go collect those wet clothes.miss me more.Smile aplenty!
Jacky's Wife