Whenever Hubby carries Jayr, bb will definitely pull his ears like that. haha. as if those are his handles. lol! and sometimes his nose too. haha. Lucky me that this "priviledge" doesn't apply to me. However, i can no longer wear my favourite big loop earrings. Cuz jayr can just pulled it off like this! and ya, not that painful actually, but those who watched that might get freaked off. Cuz seeing an earring being pulled off like this. damn gross to see. well, thats my son :x
Holding onto his handle again. haha. our son. what to do?
My men playing PSP. One playing and one ka-jiao-ing. These days, Jayr will snatch our items whenever he sees us holding it. Be it anything. Like my cellphone too. If we took it away from him, he will pretend to cry. wt... anyway, i have my way to divert his attention too. haa. When smart kid met his brilliant mother, he has no way to defend. lalalalalalalala~~~______________________
I am soon turning 21 in just merely 2 weeks or so. So what? i am not excited or looking forward to it. i am not happy that this day is coming. I am not happy every year's this day!
Dunno why, mayb i got cursed. I am never happy on my birthday. I will surely cry on that day. Disappointment, upset, something missing... whatever. always there a reason for me to get pissed.
Incidents like:
#1. I remembered that when i was around 5, my mum called me at my Nanny's place, she told me that she will hold a birthday bash for me at McDonald's, but in the end, never delivered. Not even a call to wish me "Happy Birthday". I cried and i sweared that i dun wanna see her anymore. That was a childish kid's revenge, i think. The most darn parts are, every since they shifted in with me (no more chance to escape), i've got nothing as well! 1st yr, she bought me mee sua. thanks. 2nd yr, she pretended as nothing special and not even mentioning a word. 3rd, she said that she completely forgotten that it was my birthday! wtf?! I wonder how could a woman gave birth to her child and den dunno which day was it! i could even fucking remember which day, what time and what exactly happened during my labour in fucking details! My brother is another good one. I didn't expect much from him cuz he was in ns den. But even last yr, he was already working, he gave me non too! mayb he could say that it was me whom never go home den how was he supposed to give. cb la. fucking stingy den admit! his birthday i arranged nicely for him against all odds. and bought him a huge magnum chivas! see who is the damn fucker here!
#2. My daddy always forgot that it was my birthday untill he saw me locking up in the room and cried. He never never never remember at all. i was so angry at him that i refused to talk to him. But, there was once, he was already very ill den, he took the effort to walk to amk central to buy a big chocolate cake for me. i cried cuz i was blaming myself for being so not understanding. He was so illed that every few steps he walked, he would have to sit down and rest. so he actually took 2 long hours to buy me that cake. and that was the last birthday cake i had in my life till now. And that was the last celebration i had too. And that was a year before he passed away... and i always love him cuz noone will do those things he had done for me. im so sorry daddy...
#3. Last year, i have no pressie, no cake, no warmth greeting, no nothing. I was already 2+months pregnany den. The furious part is Hubby spent $400+ on something he desired and ended up no money to get me anything! i mean, i am his wife-to-be den, but he simply just ruined my day like this cuz it seemed not important to him at all! If i weren't pregnant at that time, guessed u peeps know what would be the outcome in the end. I cried, of cuz. I am mad. I am so fucking pissed that i could just kill anything that provokes me. Even if he couldn't afford anything expensive, den what about a card? or a stalk of rose that costs him merely a few bucks? its the effort that counts. but i see no effort there. i am shattered into pieces like this... cuz i am emotionally fragile.
This year is not like any other year. Its my big 21st Birthday. I dun expect much, cuz there is nothing i can hope for. But i just dun wan the same to happen again. Those important ppl in my life had hurt me enough, i dun wan anymore. Eventhough i know very well that the financial situation now doesn't allow him to spend more but i dun wan my big day to just pass like this. u know? who can understand how i feel? i even hope that this day dun come at all. cuz i dun wan to cry anymore! If this is gonna be a bad one, i will really hate it more!
I am not like u peeps, with a warm family to celebrate for u, hold parties, princess bash, with many friends greet you, many many pressies, roses and gift from loved one....
I am nothing. And i will have nothing!
I have no family. I have no good friends. I have no pressies. I have no roses.
NOTHING! NOTHING! NOTHING!
Dun envy me when my life is just 100x more shitty den yours.
U can comment but dun come and tell me that i should be contented cuz i have Jayr with me this year. Its TOTALLY different cases. I hope u'll understand.
If u dun, close ur eyes and imagine u were me going all these heartbreaking scenerios and den wake up and tell me will u or will u not feel like dying...
Pardon me for being so emo.
I will continue to be so emo till my September is gone. Or, if my Birthday goes well outta miracle.
Annoying alarm rang at 6am this morning cuz today is the first of Hubby's reservist. Lil Jayr was sleeping so soundly, thus Hubby was trying his best to do things softly in order not to wake him up. So and everything went on smoothly untill when Hubby was about to go out, he den realised that he couldn't find his ID!!! omfg. So when men is rushing or panicking, they dun care a darn shite bt things around them. So he on the light and search everywhere with so much noise. and yes, lil Jayr woke up. Not only that, he smiled, squealed and kicked non stop cuz he saw Daddy is awake and walking around! And me sitting next to him looking at him, this thrills him more. hai, at that moment i knew very well that i can never get back to sleep anymore. arrrrgggh!!! *pluck hair*... 
See??? So alert (-___-")
Can even smile for the camera somemore!!! its freaking 6+am in the morning can! 
Whenever Hubby carries Jayr, bb will definitely pull his ears like that. haha. as if those are his handles. lol! and sometimes his nose too. haha. Lucky me that this "priviledge" doesn't apply to me. However, i can no longer wear my favourite big loop earrings. Cuz jayr can just pulled it off like this! and ya, not that painful actually, but those who watched that might get freaked off. Cuz seeing an earring being pulled off like this. damn gross to see. well, thats my son :x
Holding onto his handle again. haha. our son. what to do?
My men playing PSP. One playing and one ka-jiao-ing. These days, Jayr will snatch our items whenever he sees us holding it. Be it anything. Like my cellphone too. If we took it away from him, he will pretend to cry. wt... anyway, i have my way to divert his attention too. haa. When smart kid met his brilliant mother, he has no way to defend. lalalalalalalala~~~
Jacky's Wife