♥幸福小女人♥

.Sunday, May 25, 2008 Y

Like i was feeding Jayr and watching channel 8 at the same time...

It was telecasting the charity show for the shichuan earthquake...

There was this part of it telling all bt this touching and yet heartbreaking real live story of thees...

A mother was found dead in a weird position. After digging and removing those rocks and mud covering the body, those savers den realised that there was an infant sleeping soundly underneath the protection of her mummy's body... Within the blanket of the baby, they found a cell phone, with a message typed by her mummy....

"亲爱的宝贝, 如果你还活著, 要记得我爱你...."

Tears rolled down unintentiously immediately...

As a mother, i truely understand the unbearable heartache and worries the mother was feeling within the very short moment. She definitely couldn't bear to leave her loved one like this and of cuz worried bt the baby's future and wellfare. The most inevitable thought was to let her flesh and blood know that how much she love her no matter how far apart they gonna be. She knew she never ever have the chance to tell her anymore.....

Jayr suddenly paused and looked at me with those twinkling eyes. I looked back into those. I can feel that he was trying to figure out why im crying and also to tell me not to cry. I told him, "bb, must always remember that mummy loves you very much...." He smiled and kicked his legs.... My heart melted like this... :)

I wonder why heaven make human suffers so much in life and yet now, put on this kinda huge challenge to those innocences there. Those kids were so helpless and fear were all they know. Why took away their properties and also their beloved kinships. Den will Heaven make their life much better after this cruel destroy? I doubt so. Noone deserves this kind of karma. y all those badies still kicking alive to bully those helpless innocences and den y all these poor ppl must suffer like this? where is the justice man... Like my life is in a real mess, will it be better after these shits? i doubt so too... cuz there is no fairness in this world. whatever~

After this serious heartbreaking episode, i have learnt to treasure what im having now, and of cuz my kinships.... Especially my baby boy, i will give him the best i could and i wanna let him know everyday that mummy loves him~

如果你也听说...
10:54 PM

. Y

请让我靠近你轻轻对你说

别让我每个夜为你受折磨

是多么不容易才默默放手

为了我就当作这次为了我

别让我因为你被回忆折磨

而空气凝结了我们的脸孔

我别无选择

就算我们之间有什么问题

依然想念着你

虽然被放弃

虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题

黑夜我还想着你

心碎人孤寂

虽然我愿意

(心还想着你)

再让我靠近你轻轻对你说

当我说我要你从此好好过

是真的否则我怎么肯放手

为了我就当作这次为了我

赐给我你现在幸福的笑容

别让恨冻结了我们的脸孔

请你做选择

______________________________

So much of feelings and thoughts today... i wonder why... So much things to do each day and so much responsibilities im facing now... Im feeling so helpless. Im tired. Im extremely low. Im going insane... "I need ur caress...ur hugs..."

"Eventhough we have been going hywired recently and everything seems to be explosive and rocky, however, i am still missing you badly each passing day. i dunno y, but i think i need you as badly still... I miss you so much that everything i do or see, it reminds me of you. You have occupied the entire of me from inside out... I dunno why is that when u're around, i feel likewise. I wanna hug you as and when like before, but den i feel a unfamiliar way of feeling when im near you. I wanna kiss you so much but im afraid to see the coldness in ur eyes. Tell me what shld i do? I miss you. I miss the wonderful man i once loved so much. Why? what makes it turned out this way? Is that something i've done or said? Or simply im no longer interest you? I swear upon my life that i have done nothing at all. Things just changed in a split second... how scary. U r like my blanket during the night, which provides me with secure and warmth. Pls dun leave me in lurch. cuz i dunno how to face this cruel world alone. I dunno which path to choose, which direction to go to... I dun wan to be alone. U once promised me that once u held my hand, u will never let go and u said u will never ever leave me alone... are all these still true? As true as our first kiss.....? I miss you hubby..."

I miss him when im hungry, when im tired, when im sick, when im angry, when im lonely, when my tummy ache, when i headache, when bb cries, when bb laugh, when bb asleep, when the earth is still spinning, i'll be missing him...

"老公,

就算我们之间有什么问题

依然想念着你

虽然被放弃

虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题

黑夜我还想着你

心碎人孤寂

虽然我愿意(心还想着你)......."

如果你也听说...
5:42 PM

.Saturday, May 24, 2008 Y

Alright, once again, im madly in love with this song all over again.

Anyway, yesterday went to IKEA, like finally after his sufficient of nua-ing. (-_-)

We had our dinner there. Yeepy~! my favourite wings!

Den we walked around the entire IKEA, never missed a single corner.

I love doing this kinda shopping. hee~!

We have some pretty ideas for our new nest. Luckily no big different point of view. Stilll able to compromise each other.

After which, we walked over to Courts. Tell you, this is a place where men can spend their whole time there. like observing this and that, comparing this and that... So sian can... But i dun mind la, cuz there are for my new nest. hee.

Headed home straight. Bb slept till never wake up for his feeding. But i woke him up somehow... haa.

Aiya, nothing special la. dunno what to blog either,

Today, housechores and housechores. bb and bb. nothing else.... wat a life ya?

如果你也听说...
6:15 PM

.Thursday, May 22, 2008 Y

"Bb.... look up here....."

Finally bb look at the cam with his big round eyes.

The perfect family portrait so far. (^-^)

Look at our cheeky baby boy smiling so brilliantly... :D

Nowadays so difficult to make him stay still... (-_-")

I still think those eyes resembles mine lah. *bleah* :p

Yawning for the camera. haa.

"I just woke up la... y force me to look here and smile...hmp.."

______________________________

Yesterday was hubby's off day, and he decided to bring us to airport and nua. haa. We brought along viewcam and lappy. :D Nowadays weather is so freaking hot, so its a not bad idea to freeze urself there, peeps. lol.

To be frank, its the first time we took pictures of three of us together, like finally sia...

The first 2 were taken at home on tues night. Hubby suddenly on the webcam and asked me to hurry up to the spot. And den we snapped, snapped and snapped. haa. Had a hard time to make bb look at the right spot and made him smile, but to no avail.... :/

>>>

All these were taken using my cell phone. Those in the viewcam have yet uploaded to the lappy. hee. so gotta stay tune and wait ya... till then...

>>>>

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wonder whats the fuss bt these arrows???

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<<<<

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it actually leads you to......

>>>>

This>>>>>>>>

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We were too happily snapping away and didnt realise that bb "er neh" lor... hahahahaha.... Paisay la. So unglam, i know... lol!!!

如果你也听说...
1:48 PM

.Tuesday, May 20, 2008 Y

Im not happy. Im fucking unhappy!!!
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Firstly, im the one who did and does all the feeding throughout the entire day and night. And today is his fucking off day, so he shld help me during the night and let me have some rest like finally right?! am i wrong?!
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Early in the morning played with Jayr and kept mentioned to him bt himself, like, "daddy,.....this" and "daddy.... that". Hello!!! im the one who does all the cleaning up and feeding and coaxing and entertaining and many more but now he claims all the fucking credits!
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He carried bb and kept ignoring me and gave me attitude like as if im not part of the family!
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Secondly, the cb menses came la. fuck! fuck! fuck! im damn hot tempered now! argggh! tummy bloated like going to burst. Pain untill contraction.
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I need to go minimart to buy thing, but he refused to go with me and just left me all alone to go by myself. pain, dizzy, weak and miserable.
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I fucking hate him to core, like seriously!
things aint getting any better!
he just another bastard that proven to me once again that he will always remain as a bastard!
>
and ya, i need a better man!

如果你也听说...
2:47 PM

.Monday, May 19, 2008 Y

Handsome Jayr :)

Shuai shuai de pose :D

Photogenic like mummy ya? wahahahaha~

Bb, Mummy love you deep deep~

Mummy loves kissing Bb...

Look at mummy with your twinkling eyes~

Wo de guai bao bei (^-^)

The "gek sai" face... lol (o-O)

So difficult to make him smile and take pic at the same time.

This is the "after-smile"... *missed.

Bb talking and playing with mummy.

See, Bb trying to hold his bottle.

---------------------------------------------

No joke ok. Bb always put his small hand on the bottle and trying to grip on it but of cuz no strength to do so still.... And this started even before full month. hee.

Im going to get Jayr Avent's milk bottles soon. since his milk intake has increased and the 150ml bottles he using now are not suitable anymore. :) and den he can use till he big big lor. no more changing liao except the nipples. haha.

Kiddy palace on sales now, Mummies!! non-members 15% on selected items. Members 20%, instead of 10%. And im proud to say i am member of kiddy palace!

Mummies and babies gathering will be held somewhere in June. Beginning of June. Which is next next week. :) see you all soon! im so excited can?!!! And when i finally get my new house, i will organise it over my place. lol! and all can relax to the max ok? i promise.

so what shld i wear for that day? hmmm... first time im going out alone. all alone! scary thou. :x

they called me taitai and how i wish i am a real taitai. order ppl ard and all my task is to shop shop and shop. high tea and gossip. facial and spa... hmm... how shiok! and den got a personal nanny to follow us ard. haa! fat hope! *slap*

Smile.

如果你也听说...
11:14 PM

. Y

Hello hello~!
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Have talked to few mummies already and all are very ons la. And now is for me to choose a date, time and venue. lol. This weekends cannot cuz xinyi and charlene cant make it. so cancel tat. next weekends mayb yes, mayb no, cuz i dunno hubby gotta work anot. haa. so wait for me to ask him tonight. if no, den will be next next weekends ba.
Otherwise, worse come to worse, i'll arrange it on weekday den sadly, have to miss shirley and jovan out.... ahhh~! i wan to see jovan la. :)
I wan to see charlene too leh... :)
Ryan as well... :D
haa. and also triston! ;)
And i know everyone wans to see Jayr!!! (^-^)

------------------------------------
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So, ppl on list are,
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Ines and Jayr
Xinyi and Charlene
Karen and Ryan (& her no.2 in her tummy)
Shirley and Jovan
Cassandra and Leon
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Lyn, i have sms u but u never reply neh :(
pls comfirm with me asap ok. u and triston...
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>
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Who else i've missed out? anymore mummy and baby?

如果你也听说...
8:09 PM

.Sunday, May 18, 2008 Y

"The more we get together, together, together. The more we get together, the merrier we'll be....."
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Hi all mamas and bbs,
so have u decided when to meet up and gather? its about time ya! cuz bb Jayr has arrived so long already!!! do reply me with ur preference of time and venue. i will arrange with all... ok? especially those working mamas, let me know when will be the best time and day. :) u can simply sms me. dun put aeroplane pls. and pls pls pls come...
>
call me also can!

如果你也听说...
5:15 PM

. Y

To clear many peeps' doubts, i decided to blog my reply here....
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Yes, i have decided to sell away that house. Sad thou cuz it's the only one thing my daddy left for me...
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However, i desperately need a house to live in. Reason im not wanting to move back is bcuz the feng shui is damn bad over there. Illness, death, penniless, poor relationships, family detach and many more. and most importantly is i dun feel "easy" there. My dad had been possesed once and sometimes i can still somehow "feel" it. eerie ya? Secondly, its inconvenient for my hubby to work.
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That brother of mine smsed me yesterday. Guessed what? he told me to go back and collect letters. like till now this pea-brain bro still dun understand the fact that im pissed off with them intruding my privacy, not that bcuz they never inform me!
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My aunt called him to tell him that the contractors are coming to reno very soon so they have to pack and leave. This time round he dare not pretend anymore. No more bullshit concern. cuz he finally got to know from me that i know bt EVERYTHING he had done behind my back.
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will be back with Jayr's pics. im plain lazy to upload now. lol.

如果你也听说...
4:51 PM

.Friday, May 16, 2008 Y

Today im gonna blog about my pathetic and "interesting" family issue. This blog might be ended up long and naggy, so beware or just leave this site(-_-)
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Straight away my dad passed away, my mother insisted of shifting back to live in with me and even told my relatives that she has the responsible to look after me since my dad no longer able to do so. so many tearful and unreal stories made up just to sheild her own butt. Initially i allowed her to moved back was bcuz i wanna give her a chance to do her duty as a mother, however, all failed. I shouldn't have being so soft-hearted. sad to say is, this is really my regret....
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Everyday was like a tragical war scenario. With or without reason she could go nagging or screaming at the top of her voice. siao! I lived there for so many years and neigbours knew my unit was peaceful and friendly. But ever since they moved in, things definitely have changed to horrible state! Whenever there was arguement, shameless she would go screaming loudly and with vulgarities, like as if want the whold amk to know whats happening. and mostly is nothing, she just loves to make a huge fuss over nothingness. siao!
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My dad left this house to me solely. He even forked out a huge sum to make a will. The reason why he done so is to protect me from them. He knew they will come and haunt me one fine day. which is indeed very true! And note that, its for me SOLELY. So why are they still trying their best to snatch huh? she knew there's a will, so she used another tactic on me instead. She said i must give her at least 5 digits of amount from selling the flat, and my bro 5 digits too and my bro's future son 5 digits too cuz he took over my dad's surname for so many years. And she even claimed that all was told by my dad and i must oblige. siao! if my dad really wanna give them den why waste the huge amount to hire a lawyer and made a will for?! one more hilarious part was that she said my dad had let her down, so i mustn't let her down too, i must do something to repay her on behalf of my dad. siao!
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I had enough of everyday's shit with these ppl. and had heard enough shits too. Thus, i chosen to leave....
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My brother is the one person that i hate most cuz i trusted him the most, but he was the one whom betrayed me the most. cb! he took the effort to go to my relatives place and told them that i went astray, live with guy, and smoke and this and that... but infront of me, he told me that no matter who is gonna hurt me or any relatives coming against me, he will definitely protect me, cuz im his dearest sis. bullshit!
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When i got preggy, my aunt was the first i told to. But in the end, my bro told them that i refuse the let my relatives know bt it and dun wan to invite them. siao! he went to told my uncle that my MIL is lunatic and my FIL is a typical useless gamblers, and told them not to give me jewellry cuz my husband will sell away all. siao! i really dunno why must he made up stories and hurt me.
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They took all the angbaos. As a mother, she never give me any gold. Only a angbao for both me and Hubby. by right should one each. and for ur info, she gave us $28 only.
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Right after my wedding, no calls or regards from neither one.
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Kkh sent my medical bills to amk. (which is damn stupid of them lah) in that letters, there are infos of Jayr which as a parent, i have the right to keep in as p and c. without my permission, they just look through everything and not even call me to let me know the bill have been sent to amk! untill i went back and check! ok, since they know when he's borned den why dun call me? why never visit me? my hubby even sms my bro, but den what have they done?
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my husband got so pissed by this incident so he decided to send him a sms. in the end that bastard humilate my husband and told my hubby to learn his language before talking to him. wtf! who the fuck he think he is?! even asked my hubby to meet him one to one. of cuz i refused la! God knows what this crazy man gonna do. so i got so fucking angry, i sent him this, "We are not beggers. I dun see the need to beg for ur sympathy or ur milk powder. I dun think u really understand the annoying part where ur privacy got intruded. Dun come and tell me bt the bullshit concern. so wat after knowing bt birth and everything? wat have u all done? im the one chosen to leave, does that mean u have the right to open up my letters? and mind you, dun think too highly of urself when u are just another human being as well. never look down on us. why caused so much things and pretence den now used them as reasons to attack me? dun you ever think that i dunno wat u said behind my back. i know EVERYTHING."
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He said that my mother was being concern bt her own daughter and her birth. But have they done? and they even look through my cpf letter. concern bt my account too??? fuck all!
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I have told them during January that i will give them 6 months to find a place and move out. Den recently this brother smsed again and ask me whem is the deadline. He proposed that to rent him a room instead and quote him a price accordingly. he said he supposed paying me and paying others make no difference. siao! i said, "after a lil reno, we intend to rent out the whole unit for more den 1k. i think better stick to our earlier plan."
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Im not going to let them know im selling. thats why, this time i gotta lie. whoever gonna betray me, will suffer a terrible karma! i mean it. i know there's a spy somewhere near... u shall die!
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wonder what are their next plans?

如果你也听说...
7:16 PM

.Thursday, May 15, 2008 Y

Bb Jayr sniffing for the right spot to sleep....

zzz..... finally closed his eyes and into dreamland...

I love watching him sleeping soundly....

Today went back to clinic for follow up check up. Bb still having flu lor. :(

We went to Tamp mall and century sq after that. During the journey, bb kept making noise and trying to "talk". soooo cute lah~! and so i must entertain him la... he said "a-goooo... ahhhh... huh...hmm.... ooooo...", den i will reply him with, "mmmm.... ya... urm-huh... a-goo-goo...lalalala....ooohh...blablabla...." lol!!! Den those ppl who heard us will giggle or said, "aw~~ so cute", "heee... so sweet"...

:)))))

Im like having mense cramp sia... damnit~! so hate lor. so actually there's something wonderful bt pregnancy, which is no period!!!! (^-^)Y

如果你也听说...
7:17 PM

.Tuesday, May 13, 2008 Y

Im back!!!
Sorry peeps, for making you guys waiting and longing... paisay ah.

I have hell lotsa pics to show you peeps. Below few blogs are all done today, together with this. Wow! Never blog so many times in one shot sia... can die... lol... but ok la, cuz i kept everyone waiting and waiting... All are bt my darling bb boy, Jayr... My joy.

What bt me???

Im fine, thank you.

I mean, so what he have apologised and begged for forgiveness. I still cant erase that from my memory. But for Jayr's sake, i'll bear with it for the time being. Those kisses and hugs and words are back, but i no longer fine them romantic anymore. why?

如果你也听说...
8:00 PM

. Y

My favourite pic of the day ~

Jayr getting all excited~

Sleepy Jayr.....

* Yawn~~~~

Firstly, Hubby was down with flu and cough. Think he kena the flu bugs...

Secondly, he passed the virus to me, and i got flu, cough and fever...

Thirdly, Jayr got it from us. :(

I feel so guilty and upset can. i have try to avoid too near contact with him already, but he still got it. hai, cuz i am the only looking after him ma...

Brought him to clinic and get medicines.

Funny, he likes the cough syrup. But the doctor prescribe a nose drop to ease his block nose, and that is a terrible thing for me to do lor.

Jayr would go screaming and crying whenever i put that for him. heartpain leh. but for him to get well soon, i got to do it lor. i never see him cry untill like this before...

He has got block nose, thus cant breath well. and we must take turn to let him sleep on our chest lor. only by this, he will feel secure and sleep well.

Whenever i see him crying out of discomfort, i really i feel heartpain lor. I should have done more to prevent this from happening.

Above all pics were taken when we brought him to clinic. Still so energetic ya...

如果你也听说...
7:23 PM

. Y

Daddy and his teddy.

This father says,"give the man a beer~!"

My favourite pic of them.... *sweet*

This father again, trying to bite off his son's ear.

After the tiring entertainment, Jayr rather watch the lights...

Does they really look alike?

Most of the passerbys praises his big round eyes... thanks..

Neh, when he gets cheeky again....

They say those eyes resembles mine... *proud*

The one and only mother and son pic... lol. (fat!)

Went to amk hub to meet karen and her bb boy, Ryan. Before the meeting, we walked around the whole hub and look and food. in the end, we ended up dining at new york. The portion was huge lah... And my next table ordered the huge burger that seems equivalent to 4 big macs lor! pig sia! lol.. we ordered the meat platter. and every passerbys would stare at it as if they never see meat before. (-_-) And of cuz, many will stopped by and say, "ur baby soooo cute!" "how many months?" "boy or girl?" especially the last question i hate most. so obvious that jayr looks like a boy right?! and i dressed him with the right clothing too ok! hmpz! anyway thanks to all strangers. heee....

Forgot to take pics with karen and her bb la. too busy with the talk and our bbs. lo...

I am sooooooo fat now! wth! i know im still losing weight but too slow lah... (-_-)

如果你也听说...
6:55 PM

. Y

My sleepy beautiful baby.

"a--gooo"

Dressed him out before heading to vivocity. Shopping spree!!!

Random one again....

New pacifier we bought for him... He looks cute with it right?

The siah lan face....lol. :x

My precious gem....

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Finally, Jayr is full month already. Yeah~!

Didnt take any pics during that day cuz there were so many places to rush to, weather was freaking hot and when we reached home, we were half dead already. (-_-) Anyway, brought bb for his botak haircut. Dunno why, i felt so heartpain when that person shave him lor... those hair were made in my womb. lol... hahhaa. anyway, i kept it in a angbao lah. I dared not cut Jayr's nails so non other den Hubby lah. And i kept those tiny bits of nails too. lol.

Everything seems so amazing now. After full month, my bb Jayr seems to change rapidly daily. (^-^)

Nowadays, he starts to make noises like, "a-goo", "coo", "eh", "ahhh", "hmmm", and "kaoz!". Like whenever he's hungry he wil go, "ahhh... ahhh... ahh... kaoz!" Like as if telling me that, "A! Mummy! wa kaoz! u are so slow!" lol.... When i carry him and walk around, he will reach out his hand and as if trying to reach for things. he will keep making some noise as if asking me whats that? When we talk to him, he will go "a-goo" or "coo" and mostly will smile back at you...

When he shit, his expressions are damn cute and funny lor. We cant help but laughed, den he cried cuz i think he knew we were laughing at him...

My naughty boy is getting lagi more naughty. Must carry him la, talk to him la, play with him la... and never can i rest untill he finally fallen alseep lor.

I have stopped breastfeeding him already. But think he has got used to my neh neh and my scent, thats why we have a bit of problem making him sleep. hmm... so we went to buy him a pacifier. everytime when hes sleepy, i will give him the pacifier to suck and den carry him in a way that his face is facing my breast, and the pacifier will act as my nipple. lol. sounds funny but it works. Den my hubby does the same thing too...! wahahaha! and amazingly, it works on him too.

I have so much things to do each day. So lil time to rest. haiz.... Motherhood is like a living hell.... Im a typical huang nian po :(

如果你也听说...
6:22 PM